so, married to Bill the stranger

                       ( this was actually taken the evening of my marathon cleaning spree. Bill carried this picture in his wallet and taped to wall over his bunk on his liberty ship. )
 so we come back from our acid wedding  and Bill gets us a bigger apt and that day a friend gave me something to 'help clean the house'...little doozy called a black beauty. He's also the one that gave me the acid.. wow. With friends like him. I started from one end of the place and cleaned to the other. Waxed the floors on my hands and knees(good ole Johnson Wax) actually used  tooth picks to clean around the edges of every damn thing in the house. I don't think I slept for 2 days. Welcome to 1969 Jackie. 

In getting to know my new husband, he mentioned his son from a previous marriage. I said 'oh your first marriage' and he said well, one of them. How many times have you been married? Well, you're either my 11th wife or my 12...I thought he was kidding...nope...That should have been my first clue. But there were more. He had assured me that nothing happened on our 'wedding night' but after about a week or so I was beginning to wonder if there was going to be a wedding night...so we had one. He gently slid his boxers down and yep.. wham bam thank you ma'am. He didn't even take off his socks. I'm thinking well, it's our first time ...so about a week later we gave it another shot. Repeat (he was 20 years older than me too) ....I'm laying there and I propped up on my elbow and asked 'you're not really into this whole sex thing are you?' he said no, he wasn't. I said it's a good thing cause you are the worse fuck I've ever had. (might explain all those other wives too.) 

 Bill was a second electrician on a liberty ship, which went to Viet Nam delivering supplies. I asked him what a second electrician was and he said he was in charge of changing light bulbs. So he was off shore for a while and ole Bill had this urge to go gold digging in Alaska. So he buys a 13 foot rv, a 9 seat passenger van, a gold panning machine and me a new baby blue Thunderbird. (still didn't make up for that sex thing) Went to a book store and bought about 3 dozen books, took my two sons to their dads and off we go from Portland to Alaska. Now remember this is 1969 and the roads thru Canada were not exactly smooth sailing. It was so fecking cold. I swear it was 50 below, especially when the trailer came off the hitch and we had to stand in icy water to our knees and try and put the trailer back on the hitch. I'm cussing and threatening to do things with that non working dick of his. Oh and did I mention the mosquitoes? Now I'm from Texas folks I know about big critters...but I've neve seen anything the size of those damn mosquitoes. Like humming birds. I love Canada, it's beautiful. But after the first 29 times of wow, that's a beautiful lake it gets pretty old. But the kicker? Back then women were not allowed to drink in bars with men. The bars were partitioned off and the men drank on one side and the women on the other. Well...not on my watch. I went on the men's side with Bill and me and the bartender like to have started duking it out. But guess what? I won. I drank on the men' side at the bar. Fuck that shit. 

By the time we got to Alaska we had tried the gold panning machine out(zip) I had caught my first trout, pissed off a bunch of bartenders, and threatened to kick Bills ass at least 3 times a day and threatened to rip off his dick use it for bait and drive the rv back to Portland if he didn't turn that fucker around and take me back to my kids. So ended out trip ...

We came back, got settled back in and Bill decided to jump on a liberty ship and let me cool down. I kinda liked being married to a dude that was gone 6 weeks at a time. He'd come home and take me and the boys fishing and camping. I will say this about Bill, he was a great stepdad. He was wonderful to David and Thom. But I just wasn't having it. So ? Long story short I took the boys and flew to Roswell, New Mexico where my dad and stepmom lived. Oh. Did I mention that I had continued my  acid trips and also developed a nice meth habit? sigh..

I'll skip all that good stuff ...it comes time for the divorce. Bill said not to bother he never bothered to divorce any of his other wives..fuckme. I was a pretty damn good pool player and on my days off I hung out at the pool hall and made a bunch of new friends from the court house. Lawyers and judges. So when I told them I was going to get my divorce they decided to go to the court house and catch the  show cause you know I was going to put on a show. Now I was a bartender and all my clothes were mini skirts and not judge approved. So my friend Brian and I go to the bar and decide to have a few bloody Mary's and then traipse over to the court house. Where I was promptly told to go home and change my clothes to something more respectable. wtf? So I go home change into another mini skirt and we stop and have a couple more bloody Mary's and by then we're drunk. You know the giggly farting kind of drunk.. Judge can see where this is going so he just wants to get this shit show over with and allows me to take the stand. In the meantime word had spread and the courtroom that held maybe  30 people is standing room only. (oh yes, I had a string of bells wrapped around my waist. Under the guise that if I could hear them I'd know where I was at) So the judge, bless his heart says 'can you tell me why you don't think your marriage can be saved?' I said because the only thing we do in bed together is read and the only thing we have in common is we both like the cookie monster on Sesame Street. The judges head actually hit his bench. He just sort of waved his hand at me and said divorce granted and whispered to my lawyer, get her drunk ass out of here. I got a standing ovation and we all headed to to the bar for more bloody Mary's. My lawyer said he had so much fun he'd do my next divorce for free. Little did he know my next lawyer was court appointed and trying to keep me from going to jail for voluntary manslaughter. The hits just keep on coming..